Domination/submission...what it means to me
Friday, February 09 2007 @ 10:25 AM MST
Contributed by: Admin
After visiting sites that have to do with the Dominant/submissive relationship, and comparing them with my life experience, I have found the following. If “vanilla” relationships followed the example of this lifestyle there would be less dishonesty, less unhappiness and fewer breakups. To me, this lifestyle demonstrates those most important attributes that keep a relationship strong; it is safe, sane and consensual.
Safe This means making sure, to the best of your ability, that the other is always protected and safe, be that in a scene or everyday life. I know that for myself I need to always know that I am safe from harm. Knowing that a dominant always wants his submissive safe defines his character. In “vanilla” relationships there exists a great deal of selfishness and self-centeredness, in the life, which is contractual, the roles are defined and the terms known.
Sane This means using good judgment with the other’s interests always in mind, trust is the key here. Knowing that her dominant is always in control of himself and all situations to which he will subject her. Knowing that no situation will get out of his control because he will exercise good judgment where his submissive is concerned. With trust comes respect. How can one turn themselves completely over to another without trust and the respect it creates?
Consensual This means there is communication, for without communication no terms can be negotiated, not contract established. This is often lacking in “vanilla” relationships since they are not contractual in nature. The life is an equal relationship. While the submissive turns herself completely over to her dominant, heart, body and soul, he by accepting her service as his submissive takes on the obligation to cherish and lead, to protect those things which she has given to him. There are no unknowns or surprises. Each has consented to and accepted their role. When a relationship lacks communication or is one sided, non-consensual, then things such as resentment and disrespect can develop and grow.
Safe, sane and consensual; means being safe with honesty, trust, respect and communication: Relationships lacking one or any of these things are doomed from the beginning; no amount of effort expended on the others can overcome the deficit. Other things, also important to me, in order to make the life work are integrity, commitment, patience, mutual respect and love. This lifestyle is not for everyone, but for this one, it is the lifestyle. It builds within me like a wildfire, all consuming, moving rapidly through my being, leading me to the fulfillment I seek as a woman.
[This was given to one of the admistrators of this site and is posted to share of the opinons of the author.]